Looking back

As a young guy I did many things that leads up to where I am today.
As a child I were never popular and my parents taught me that I should not fight I were not allowed to hit back because I don’t always have control over my anger.
So I changed schools about two or three times.
One of the schools in Orebro I meet my first true friend that understood me.
but after just one week I were forced to change back, and then after awhile I got in to Snackan and there the teachers were a bit hard, and not promoted me as a person more like demote me on everything wrong I did, as if I were a dog.
Witch leaded more to anger and despair.
I always wanted to be nice but understood or more correctly I thought that I would only give pain towards others.
So I stood alone.
And I still stand alone.
So fear, hatred and despair drew me to this point.
Was it my fault or the school’s?
I don’t know.
But I did learn one thing.
No matter what you do you always do wrong.
To explain this easily is hard.
I realized something.
Everyone can say what they want because “lack of knowledge lack logic and there for lack reason,,
in retrospective I both want revenge but the same time want to thank them.
Because now I'm neither one of the mindless nor one of the group.
I'm an outsider viewing a bad drama witch I both want to be in but still not.
A simple kiss don’t say anything, a simple hug don’t mean anything, a simple hit don’t do me harm.
But people around me seem to think it does.
So acting as if it’s true is bad, but what would you do?
* I want to cry every day but I smile.
* I want to kill but I say god bless.
* I want to do good but I do nothing.
What is moral?
Or is it just a word to dominate and make people puppets.
And puppets think what they do is right in away.
So the actions that’s were inflict on me were truly wrong.
But also right, if not I were to experience that I would not really know the dark side of people…
So I fear them no more.
Iv acted so long now so I don’t know myself.
Who do I really fear today?